A Friday Post.

Or me sneaking in an entry while I can because I’m working a long shift and I’m gonna be tired by the time I get my sorry ass home.

It’s just sinking in that next week, I have no long shift. I’m working strictly regular office hours, which means I may as well not expect a hefty paycheck next payday. In some ways, I kinda see it as a good thing but at the same time, when I’m getting eaten alive by bills, I’m kinda nervous.

I’m also taking the ExCPT this coming Tuesday. It’s basically the entry level exam to become a Pharmacy Tech. I still haven’t studied – in part because my current job is slowly turning me into a former shell of when I first started out and I come home tired. I feel a little bad saying that because I know there are people out there busting their asses working two jobs, and I’m only dealing with one. More power to them because I don’t know how they do it.

Continue reading “A Friday Post.”

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A Breather Entry

Hey Beautiful Blossoms!

After being on hiatus for over a month, I finally got the chance to come back and just do a quick entry – I hadn’t realized that the last entry that I wrote was on March 7, but that’s what happens when moving plans fall apart get delayed, family members have a health crisis, death in the family, and heavier workload all come tearing after your time.

I’ve been a little more active on Insta due to the fact that I’m hosting the first ever Blossom Beautiful Aesthetics Giveaway, with the theme being Beauty Twins. If you guys are interested, the giveaway is open until May 25 and the rules are available on the first BBA Giveaway Insta post. There are more posts that follow that clarify the rules a bit (though to my disappointment, some people are at risk of disqualification because they are not following the rules 😦 and I want everyone to get a fair shot at winning… ).

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Day 4: I Quit This Challenge.

Yep. I am officially throwing in the towel on my self-imposed challenge. The more I tried to get myself to be enthusiastic about cracking open my Vice 4 palette, the more frustrated I became with using it. And no brush I owned in my arsenal could transfer the damn eyeshadow from pan to palette the way I felt like it should have.

Then there’s the fact that I work 5 bloody days a week in a cubicle. At most, I’d be wearing my Vice 4 colors for a couple of hours before I have to take them off eventually for bed. I didn’t see the point of struggling with meh eyeshadow quality for a 2 hour wear (and don’t even get me started on the attempt of taking pictures to show my handiwork).

Continue reading “Day 4: I Quit This Challenge.”

Trying to Find My Way Back

I remember the time when blogging was still in its infancy: people were posting regularly about their personal lives, innermost thoughts, secrets and gossips shared, . Blogging served as a place to vent frustrations, share dreams and goals, or promote enthusiasm about a personal favorite.

Viewership wasn’t a big deal back then – at least, not the way it is now. Sure, there were some people who consistently got viewership, subscribers, comments, and front-page status on Xanga (just shows how old I am), but I didn’t give a shit about all that: I just wanted to write about the things that bothered me, the things that I really liked and could squeal about for days, and the things that worried me.

But now, blogging has exploded into a bonanza and one of its sub-niches, beauty, has become a rat race after it’s proven to be a money maker (to an extent). Of course, the lure of making money from a seemingly innocuous hobby is a difficult wave to ride out when you start a beauty blog or a seasoned blogger that’s never done beauty before.

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When Depression is Kicking Your Ass…

My postings here have been sporadic to say the least. In part because lately, I find myself struggling in the sea of my depressive bouts. Some rounds I win, some rounds I lose and when I do, I’m face planted onto the ground I’m standing on and it is scarily comforting. I don’t even wanna pick myself up for a while. As much as I am self-professed makeup addict, even the latest in makeup can’t peel me off from my current faceplant.

I can’t stay there forever because I know I just can’t. But pulling myself back up from what my mind and my body considers to be falsely comforting is easier said than done. The most I can manage are attempts each and every day when I lose to a bout of depression (because these fuckers tend to last pretty damn long). Eventually, I’ll have worn it out enough that I can break through and be on my feet again.

But it isn’t a permanent victory – it just so happens that I managed to outhold my depression. Playing with my makeup collection helps. Sometimes. I don’t know how girls (and guys, because let’s face it: guys can do makeup too) could go through the lengthy ritual of doing their makeup for a simple snapshot (out of possibly tens of)  to post on Instagram, only to wipe all that effort off at the end of the day. And that’s the opening that my depression just needs to push me right back.

And don’t even get me started on the things I hear from it when I’m down: who are you trying to fool with that makeup? You’re not beautiful, no matter how much foundation you use or how good you blend that eyeshadow. That can never hide the fact that you’re just a selfish asshole deep down – it’s why you can never have a boyfriend or you lost yours to his side chick. What happens when you show up with a face full of makeup and a guy sees it and falls in love with “that” you? Will he still love you when he sees the pores on your cheeks, the acne on your neck, the blackheads on your nose? Who are you kidding, really? 

No makeup could ever hide the fact that you’re clingy and overemotional. He hated you for it and so does everyone else. That’s why they left you. 

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. And they’re, more often than not, horribly right. Try as I might to disprove those painful thoughts, they prove to be true in the end. Perhaps it can be chalked to a self-fulfilling prophecy (which I still try to understand – how does me trying to prove my depression wrong end up proving it right?), but I see that explanation as a cop-out.

I figured that if I’m going to do a beauty blog, I can’t just endlessly talk about one half of it, which is just makeup. Because a million other bloggers do it on a daily basis. But what about the other, unglamorous half of being a beauty blogger? What about the days when makeup becomes a boon instead of a mood lifter?

Let’s be real: it ain’t all highlighters and color spectrum eyeshadows on fleek all the time in beauty land.